


Chasing the Moon

by Janieohio



Series: IWSC Challenge Oneshots [10]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Running Away, Werewolf Politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29355624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janieohio/pseuds/Janieohio
Summary: Sirius never imagined that confessing his feelings to Remus would have quite this reaction.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: IWSC Challenge Oneshots [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614058
Comments: 23
Kudos: 55





	Chasing the Moon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JessicaDoom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessicaDoom/gifts).



> This is my first foray into Wolfstar, as I generally write Drarry. However, I have a dear friend who has a birthday today, and she loves Wolfstar. It was a fun change for me, and I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> To JessicaDoom, this story is for you. We love you, babe. I'm so glad you're part of our writing group as it wouldn't be the same without you. I hope you have an amazing birthday and every one of your wishes (especially the special ones) come true.

Sirius sat silently for once, waiting for Remus to throw himself into Sirius's arms and declare his undying affection. Sirius's heart raced in anticipation, the blood rushing in his ears nearly drowning out the silence hanging in the air.

Silence.

Oh, Merlin, Remus was _silent_.

Sirius willed himself to focus on the young man across the room. Remus's shirt pulled across his back muscles as he leaned forwards, his arms holding him up as he leaned against the kitchen countertop, facing the window. The tension in his posture was so palpable that not even Sirius could ignore it.

"Uh, Moony? Aren't you going to say something?" The hesitance he was feeling had to be obvious in his voice, didn't it? It was so different from his confident declaration just moments before, just like the sinking feeling in his stomach.

Remus took a deep breath but kept his back to Sirius. "You know it's not possible, Sirius." His voice was quiet but firm. It was the voice he used when he was dead set on a course of action.

But, if there was anyone who could get through to Remus when he was like that, it was Sirius. He just had to keep it logical, keep emotions out of the equation. He needed to debate, not argue.

How the hell did one go about keeping emotions out of a conversation about love? How could Sirius logically debate after the declaration he'd just made to his best friend?

It didn't matter. He was Sirius Orion Black. He'd figure it out as he went. His mind went into overdrive, preparing appropriate arguments to whatever objection Remus might have. He just needed to keep his voice calm and reasonable.

"It's not only possible, Moony. It's true. I love you. I think I have for years now, and it's not just going to go away because you find it inconvenient."

Remus whipped around, his eyes flashing. "Inconvenient? Fuck you."

Sirius one, Remus zero.

Sirius almost smiled at the thought. "Well, then, what is it? Surely it can't be because of your furry little problem, because you know that doesn't bother me at all. And I have more than enough money in my inheritance from Uncle Alphard to cover us both for years. So, what is it?"

Remus shook his head, refusing to meet Sirius's eyes. "It's not right, Sirius." He sounded as though he was struggling to get the words out. "There are so many things that could go wrong. I could hurt you. I could accidentally _change_ you. It's one thing to be friends, but you don't know what you're asking."

"I know exactly what I'm asking. I'm asking you to be with me. To love me. To be my partner in all things. I trust you, Remus. You won't hurt me."

"I _will_." There was nearly no emotion in Remus's voice now. It sounded dead. Resigned. "It's in my nature. I fight against the wolf every day. It's wild and wants to attack when it's hurt or scared or angry. It wants to take what it sees as its own and not care about whom else it hurts. I can't do that to someone." He paused, and then he finally met Sirius's gaze. "I can't do that to you."

"You don't get to make that choice for me. If I choose to take the chance, choose a relationship with you over the possibility of something going wrong, that's my responsibility."

"And it's mine to keep others safe from me," Remus said, his eyes narrowing and his voice hard. "I said no. I won't do it. Besides, I can't give you the other things you need."

"Such as?"

"Children. An heir. A partner that's an equal or that will even be recognised by our bloody government."

Sirius blinked. "You think any of that matters to me?" He took a deep breath. Debate. One point at a time.

"It should," Remus shot back. "It will. It might not now, but what about in ten years? What about when this blasted war is over, and you start to realise that you want children and can't have them with your partner? A partner you can't even marry?"

"The last thing I want is to pass on this inbred bloodline to any children. I'll name Harry my heir," Sirius stated simply, waiting for Remus's next point.

Remus rolled his eyes and threw his arms up. "Always an answer for everything. What if something happens to Harry? It's a _war_ , and there's a megalomaniac after him."

Sirius ignored the feeling of being punched in the stomach. "What if something happens to _me_? Or you? Or Lily and James? You know that's not a valid argument here." He swallowed back his anger, levelling his voice again. "And if it did, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't want to reproduce."

Sirius felt like he was going to burst, the irritation and panic clawing to get out. Unable to sit still any longer, he got up to pace and continued speaking.

"As for marrying, there are ways around that. We could bond."

Remus's jaw dropped. "You're insane!"

Sirius let out a little laugh. "You say this as if it's a surprise. I won't argue that, but it's irrelevant to the conversation. No one can come between bond-mates."

"It's also illegal, Sirius." Remus's eyes glistened, but his voice was firm. "I'm a werewolf. I'm not allowed to bond."

"I don't care."

Remus rubbed at the bridge of his nose, a sure sign Sirius was frustrating him. And yet, that meant Sirius was getting through.

"Moony, we can figure all that out. None of it changes the way I feel. I want _you_. I want to be with _you_. Aren't you going to acknowledge that at all?"

Remus turned away and walked to the door. He pulled on his coat, then paused without turning back. "It doesn't matter how I feel. I'm dangerous, Padfoot, in more ways than one. I can't chance messing up your life that way."

"You won't hurt me."

"I will." And with that, he opened the door and left.

And Sirius realised that Remus was right. Remus _would_ hurt him. He just had.

* * *

"Sirius, are you decent?" Lily's voice came from outside the bedroom door.

"Not morally, but I'm wearing pants if that's what you're asking."

He looked up as his best friend's wife entered the room, the look of concern on her face made less effective by the rolling of her eyes. He scooted to the side to make room for her next to him on the bed. It was her cottage after all. Hers and James's and Harry's. He just stayed over often enough to have his own room.

"Are you all right? I heard you and Remus arguing when I was putting Harry down for his nap."

"Arguing," Sirius said with a scoff. "Hardly. That would require passion and emotions. That was a bloody debate with someone who won't allow themselves to feel a blasted thing beyond their own apathy."

Lily sat down and laid her head on his shoulder. "That's not entirely fair. You know he feels deeply about you."

Sirius shrugged and stared out the window. "Obviously not deeply enough." The unstated 'about me' rang in his ears.

Lily was silent for several moments. "You told him, then?"

He jerked his head to look down at her. "What do you mean?"

She wrapped her arm around his and squeezed. "You're in love with him. It's hard not to notice if you know what to look for. And, knowing Remus, I can't imagine he'd take that well."

Sirius felt his throat tighten. "No. He gave me all the reasons it wouldn't work, then left." His eyes began to burn. "He just left me there, Lils. He didn't tell me how he felt; he just made excuses for why we couldn't be together, then took off." He dropped his head into his hands, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid." Sirius let out a miserable bark of laughter, but Lily ignored him and ran her hand over his back. "He's just really...complicated."

"Right. Well, his complicated arse just chose to be alone with an affliction he hates over being with me, so it seems to me that I'm stupid for loving someone who doesn't want me."

"He's scared. And did he say he didn't want you?"

"He didn't say he _did_. He let me pour my heart out, let me put into words all the things I'd been afraid to say, and then just turned me down and left me. If that's not saying he doesn't want me, I don't know what is."

"Men," she muttered. "How about, 'Sirius, thank you for telling me your feelings, but I don't feel that way back. I'm not into you like that.' _That's_ turning you down, and we both know he's not afraid to let people down gently when that's how he feels. How many girls did he turn down in school?"

"Loads," Sirius agreed despite his reluctance.

"And I've always believed he did that because he was interested in someone else. A friend. Someone he thought he could never have."

But—she couldn't mean… He sat up suddenly and looked into her familiar, emerald eyes, always so reassuring. "But if that's the case, why? If he wanted me then, why not now?"

"Oh, for f—" She took a deep breath. "I think he _does_ want you now, but he's afraid. Afraid of you, of his feelings, and most of all, afraid of what it would mean, having that one thing he's always wanted but wouldn't let himself take."

She let him sit in silence while he worked through that in his head.

"So, are you just going to let him run away from you, or are you going to go get him?" She hesitated and then grinned. "Seriously, Sirius."

He chuckled at her attempt to lighten the mood, then frowned. "What if he tells me no, he doesn't feel the same?"

"Then you'll know. But he needs to know that he's worth it to you, that you'll go chasing after him. So, is he worth it?"

He let out a long sigh and reached for her hand. "He's worth it."

* * *

Finding Remus wasn't as easy as Sirius had hoped. It took him the better part of the evening to track him down; Remus knew how to hide when he wanted to. Run-down pubs, public libraries, the art museum, the forest cabin where he spent the full moon, Tower Bridge...Sirius checked them all. It wasn't until nearly half-past ten he thought of _it._

And really, he chided himself as he looked up at the dim light in the window, he should have thought of it first.

The Shrieking Shack hadn't changed much in the two and a half years since they had left school. It had always looked run down and abandoned, adding to its mysterious and frightening facade. But to them—to the Marauders, and especially to Remus—it had been at varying times a hideaway, a refuge, and a cage.

It represented both the best and the worse of Remus's affliction, and it embodied so many of the reasons Sirius loved him. His strength, his resilience, his character…

Sirius opened the door, trying his best to stay quiet. He wasn't sure if Remus would try to run again if he knew who was coming, so a few stealth charms served him well. He crept up the stairway to the room Remus often favoured when they were younger, the one with the old, canopied bed against the back wall. The door stood open, and Sirius froze by the threshold.

He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, maybe Remus muttering to himself in irritation, or losing himself in his reading, or, hell, blasting anything Sirius had ever given him. But he hadn't been expecting this.

Remus looked lost.

He sat in a chair by the window, the soft glow of candlelight throwing shadows over his scarred face. He was fingering the edges of several pieces of parchment, lost in his thoughts.

"And here I thought you didn't care." Sirius heard the words come from his own mouth, but it was as though he were watching from a distance.

"I never said that."

"You never said you _did_. What was I supposed to think? You just told me all the reasons I was wrong and left."

Remus didn't look up, just kept staring at the parchment in his hands. Sirius stepped closer.

His letters. He could make out his own writing in the loopy script. His breathing started to quicken.

Remus was rereading Sirius's letters to him. By the size of the stack, they had to span years. Sirius had written regularly during summers in their school years, and after, when Remus went on missions for the Order, Sirius had written almost daily, sending the letters in batches when he could.

And Remus had saved them all.

"Moony," Sirius said, dropping to his knees at Remus's feet, willing every bit of earnestness he felt into his face and voice. He placed his hand on Remus's knee. "I don't care about all that other stuff. It doesn't matter. We don't know if we'll still be here next week, so what do I care about laws and heirs and status? I care about you and me. Us."

Remus let out a little sob, running his finger across the page in front of him.

"I love you. Not despite the wolf, but _because_ of the wolf. Because it makes you, you. And because being with you makes me feel sane."

"Sirius," Remus said, his voice quiet, and he looked up into Sirius's eyes. The brown in his eyes was nearly gold, a combined effect of both the candlelight and the wolf, Sirius assumed. "If we do this and something happens to you, I'll never be the same. My wolf, it'll see you as its mate, and without its mate, it'll be ten times worse than it was before. It'll almost become feral. I don't think I can risk that."

Sirius reached out, slowly taking the letters out of his hands and putting them on the floor. "I am _already_ your mate, whether you acknowledge it or not. Your wolf knows it. I know it. You're the dumbarse running from this."

Remus nodded slowly. "Yeah," he murmured. "Yeah."

Sirius leaned forwards and captured Remus's lips with his. He was warm and soft, and he smelled like Moony. It was everything Sirius had always been missing in his other kisses all his life. Because the other kisses hadn't been with Remus.

Remus let out a little huff of breath and pulled back. "Oh, Merlin, you're going to be gloating about this for years, aren't you?"

Sirius sat back, raising an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"That you won this argument. That I was wrong, and you were right. That I love you."

Sirius felt a slow grin pull at his lips. "It was a debate, you idiot. And I think we both won in the end."

Remus smiled and resumed the kiss. Sirius had never been so happy to share the winnings.

* * *

_Finis_

**Author's Note:**

> This story was also a submission for the IWSC writing competition. I used the following prompts/themes: 
> 
> Theme: Write about a character who is running away from their problems.  
> Mandatory Prompt: [Event] Losing a debate  
> Additional Prompt(s): [Pairing - platonic] Sirius Black&Lily Evans


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